erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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