And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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