This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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