I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
