Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize