And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
