it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
