Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
