My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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