Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
