Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
