farters have to be the big spoon...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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