Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Randomize
