I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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