did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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