She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
