I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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