I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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