A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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