No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
