I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
