Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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