It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
