I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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