WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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