The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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