Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
