We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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