So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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