I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
