I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
