ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
