everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
