did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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