I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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