Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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