I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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