The maid of honor just puked.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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