We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
