***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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