I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
