I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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