Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
