She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
