never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
