How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Someone came in the potted fern
Two words: blizzard sex
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
