just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
