I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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