I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
