He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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