Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
