Screwed.edu
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
