dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I love you.
Bad choice
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