well I can't set my house on fire every night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
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You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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