we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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