they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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