I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
