You just made me feel so damn special
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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