ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize