it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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