if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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