How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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