I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
