I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
