Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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