I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just had sex bonerless
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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