he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
