i think my mom watched the whole time
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
