i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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