Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
