I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
