the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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