I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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