i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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