All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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