hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
