You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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