I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
