my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
