I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
