Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
