i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
