I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
